Uri Geller

The recent untimely death of the King of Pop has, amongst other unfortunate consequences, led to Uri Geller stealthily bending himself back into the public eye. Having switched on BBC News 24 to find out if Jackson was indeed dead, I was immediately confronted with the voice of the Israeli savant / psychic repeatedly stating "I can't comment on that" when faced with the question: "When did you last speak to Michael?" Pray tell, Uri. You were perfectly content to discuss your friend potentially being alive or dead live on the air as the news unfolded, but to discuss when you had last telephoned each other would obviously have been a severe breach of privacy? I suspect the real reason may well have been that even Wacko Jacko got fed up with the incessant pestering and pseudo-spiritual mutterings of this self proclaimed paranormalist. His presence so annoyed me that I spent much of the night wishing that his middle name was Nate. Childish.


Geller's resurfacing has once again raised the troubling question of what the hell his profession actually is. A cursory Google confirmed that "Uri Geller is most famous for his claim to be able to bend spoons and keys with his mind." This claim has always baffled me. Firstly, if you had psychic abilities to be able to move and bend objects with your mind, why on earth would you simply focus on keys and spoons? Surely this man could become an international force for peace and good by bending guns so they couldn't fire, blunting criminal's knives or even just fixing people's glasses when they got a bit bent.

This raises the very real possibility that his powers really do only extend to spoons and keys, which if you ask me is a little bit rubbish. I am struggling to see any use for these skills, except maybe for when you bend a spoon by putting it in really hard ice cream. Even then I fear his super-exclusive mind bending skills could be undercut in the market place by some enterprising labourers willing to just use their hands. To my uber-bitter unemployed graduate mind it all seems a bit unfair that he has forged a career centering around ruining metal implements that are otherwise quite useful. Then again I am trying to sell myself to employers on the basis of my in depth knowledge of Early Modern state building . So touche Uri... touche


A visit to Uri's website is quite a treat. Immediately unsettling is his cautious pronouncement: "This website could change your life for the better". Not will, but could. Furthermore, if you know someone who is learning to speak English as a second language it would be interesting to see what they make of sentences such as: "Spoon bending is just the tip of the iceberg!" It seems pretty pointless to go into the details of why Uri Geller does not actually possess psychic powers but lets just say that claiming to have made a Scottish international miss a penalty is about as impressive as me waving my hands at the sun and then claiming the credit for it setting.

But back to more pressing matters. In a show of remarkable attention-seeking in such a sensitive time, Geller,

in an interview with Channel 4 News ... admitted hypnotising the late pop star to question him about the child abuse allegations that dogged his final years. Geller stated that although he knew questioning Jackson under hypnosis was unethical, hearing him deny the accusations while in a trance confirmed innocence in his eyes.*

Well thanks, Uri. I hope that the next mega pop star to shuffle off this mortal coil has the foresight to pal up with a mystical maverick who actually has a job title - spiritualist medium, pehaps?

FC and AC

*The Independent, Fri 26 June 2009