How the internet makes everything that is amazing, really terrible eventually

I love you internets. But I also hate you. Why? I have come to realise that every moment of brilliant comedy gold that you feed me is invariably tainted by the fact that it will evolve into some kind of nightmarishly popular and unavoidedly ubiquitus internet meme that will proceed to infiltrate almost every aspect of my life, until the original humour has been so distilled, that instead of making me laugh, it will knock another dent into my decreasing faith in humanity, slowly accelerating my progress towards a point where I am forced to launch a pathetic failed suicide bid, which David Hasselhoff may or may not find hilarious. That's why.

Look what you've done to poor Rick Astley:



You've turned his whole life into a joke. Rick Rolling went too far. Look at him barging that stooge kid, who is likely getting paid the same as him, out of the way so that he can sing and get the hell out of there. Look at the the pained, forced smile on his face, concealing the emotions of a man thinking 'was it worth it? Keeping the same haircut for twenty-two years. All for this?' If you look carefully at his eyes I'm pretty sure he's crying.

Another nadir was reached when internet users voted him 'Best Act Ever' at the MTV awards. The sight of a matching tweed trouser and tie wearing Perez Hilton announcing that 'Rick Ass-ley" had won but wasn't there to collect the award was devastating. Especially as we all knew that, as Perez spoke, Rick was backstage, sitting in a locked toilet cubicle, almost passed out from embarrassment, with a shotgun in his mouth daring himself to use his big toe to pull the trigger.

It's the same with everything that starts out good online. And I almost exclusively blame this on the rise of real grown-ups learning how to use the internet. The following pictures will show that I use the term grown up with no reference to age:


The FMyLife and Texts From Last Night websites were pretty funny. But then they were taken over by people whose sense of humour has been so dulled by the exigencies of working 9 to 5 in some corporate hell hole, that they have no idea when to let a good joke die. Look at this post:

Today, I went to the Verizon because my phone was broken. It hadn't rang or received a text in 3 weeks. So, I got to the store they check out my phone. There was nothing wrong with it. No one had called me in 3 weeks. Then they charged me $30. FML

That's not funny. It's just plain boring. It's also a lie. Thankfully, the web has had the grace to throw up a delightful parody site in the form of MyLifeIsAverage. But God damn you internets you're going to make that rubbish soon aren't you. I hate you. FC

ps. Love you really