Monday, 21 January 2008

The Fratellis.

This one is obvious, but ever so important.
I hate The Fratellis more than almost anything else i can imagine. Or, as this is an update of sorts I hated The Fratellis more than anything i could imagine. The past tense brought into play here due to the fact that they shot themselves in the feet with a terrible sophomore release to sit snugly with their appalling first album. Clearly, the handsome record buying public of Great Britain realised that 'hey, maybe it's not such a great idea to listen to monotonous rowdy swill which brings to mind drunk builders shouting profanities at football matches'.
The mind completely boggles at how such a band of miscreant, slovenly, hideously faced perpetrators of Butlins-core pigswill ever retained even a semblance of popularity. Until of course you realise that the kind of people who bought their records, for that short summer but three years ago, were also those that regularly attend V Festival and wear bucket hats while doing so. Which is a rant of its own anyway. The singer resembles/resembled (I have no proof to show that he is still alive) an elderly alcoholic who sits at the back of Weatherspoon's pubs, the bassist is highly ginger and resembles Chris Moyles far to much to avoid attention, and the drummer is called 'Mince'. And wore a bucket hat. Not great is it? Seeing them lead a bunch of reprobates in infant-complex oik chants on T4 is not what i pay my license fee for). Obviously, behaviour like that bore parrallels with other dorkus malorkuses like the Pidgeon Detectives and The Enemy still doing similar things (both of which are still clasping onto their careers, equally as incomprehensibly). But none of these are quite, with the exception of Tom from The Enemy, as wince inducingly pot ugly. Honestly, if they were on the radio i'd still find them hideous.
And yes, their songs are godawful. 'Chelsea Dagger', as a friend put it, 'sounds like it was written just to be on Match Of The Day'. As much as one may like the sport, football songs are a crime unto themselves, especially those either explicitly or seemingly written to serve the purpose of being equated with it. I recall that their album, which i listened to, pained, once and no more, had a song to which the lyrics included a line referring to 'city boys and cuntry girls' or very similar. Not only, are you old, ugly and tone deaf, you're also incredibly vulgar! Which is something you're too old for. Preposterous.

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We are Hot Rant. We are Fred, Tom and Ashley. We write about things we hate. We write about things we don’t really like. We laugh at those unfortunates who lose the plot themselves. When we have nothing else to say, we post links of things we find funny or suitably furious. You can too. Please submit 500 word (max) contributions to hotrant@gmail.com for consideration. You can follow us on http://www.twitter.com/hotrant