Breadless Sandwiches

The other day I was unfortunate enough to have to make a trip to Pret a Manger, a place I hate so much that to write a specific rant about it would probably kill me. Writing down everything I hate about it would be like painting the Forth bridge except it would actually be an endless task; no innovations in painting techniques could bring an end to it prematurely. The only way to avoid dying while on the internet, typing out an interminable list of grievances would be to go on a kamikaze mission to build a working time machine in order warn myself not to begin writing the list. That would literally be the best case scenario and if I know anything about time travel even that would involve me dealing with the romantic advances of my own mother. So with that cleared up we can move on to today's real issue: breadless sandwiches.

While waiting for my companion to buy some food (strangely enough I wasn't purchasing anything myself) I was browsing the shelves getting progressively angrier at the outrageous prices and the eat-in additional charge rip off when I chanced upon a 'chicken advocado breadless sandwich'. The name alone might actually suffice to express the sheer ridiculousness of this culinary debacle. Now I know that some people, who are willing to walk around with breath that smells like rotting meat and who failed to to note that their dieting life guru himself died of a heart attack, follow the Atkins diet. Equally I am aware that some people are wheat intolerant. Pret a Manger obviously needs to cater to these people. That said, how on earth can you label something that contains no bread a sandwich?

The whole point of naming the food item after the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, who ate slices of cold meat between bread during marathon gambling sessions rather than get up for a proper meal, was to specifically describe his bread encased food. Had he merely been eating slabs of meat, not only would the whole card game he was playing have been ruined, with everyone and everything gradually becoming smeared in greasy animal fat, resulting in his inevitable life ban from any upper class social events for fear that he would smear another respectable lady with salami but people would probably have remarked that he was eating meat or a salad. Note to Pret a Manger: there is already a word for the ensemble of chicken, advocado and lettuce and it is generally called a salad. Not a breadless sandwich. I'm sick of it.